it's a week later but whatever XD

my blog is now TWO YEARS OLD :]

can't believe i could keep at it for that long oTL it's hard to believe for myself coz usually i get bored of most things after some time (like my guitar lessons)

looking back on my old posts... i realized something...
i used to blog almost every day about anything and everything but i rarely do that nowadays D8

there's usually something to rant/blog about almost every day but... my life's a bore these days =_= since i started my degree course, in fact oTZ

well, i'll try to change that but there're no guarantees... coz nothing excites me as easily lately...

Labels: rants

Not-Gonna-Name-You-But-You-Know-Who-You-Are,

If you somehow found a way to locate my public-post-blog instead of following my LJ (which is friend-locked) and you're reading this right now, this post is "dedicated" to you.

I'm gonna start by saying I DON'T regret shutting you out of my current life. I've tried this before, though I don't think you realized it and I did make up some excuse to keep you from finding out. If you don't know what I'm talking about... I'm referring to last year. When we got into an "argument" and I started ignoring you. I may have told you one thing, but what I really meant was a completely different thing. If you don't remember, though I doubt this, I'm gonna refresh your memory.

It was around mid-year last year, my 2nd last semester in college. Assignments started piling up and exams were around the corner, plus I had my final year project to think about. All those things were definitely starting to take a toll on my body and mind. I was getting lesser and lesser sleep by the day, burning the midnight oil to try to complete my assignments AND study for the exams at the same time.
That "argument" was the last thing I needed and I snapped. Yes, I snapped. It didn't appear to be that way because I didn't allow it to show. Ignoring you had been my method of dealing with it. After all the assignments and exams were over, I continued ignoring you because I realized something.
I realized that our so-called "friendship" was slowly killing me, figuratively speaking. After all the time we spent together, when I looked back on them, I realized that I was never comfortable around you. And to me, being friends means being able to feel comfortable around someone that you honestly liked being around with. Comfortable enough to tease each other harmlessly and share secrets and basically, hang around each other for long periods of time. I never felt that way when we're together. Sure, I may "let myself go" sometimes, but that's not my actual personality. And speaking about this, I also realized that I behaved differently around you. It might've been a subconscious way of dealing with your personality. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with being loud, carefree and speaking your mind. It's just... Sometimes, I'd wished you would just SHUT. UP.
Which comes to my next point. I'm pretty sure most people would agree that friends can tell when your mood changes. Like when you're down but still put on a smiling face. Friends should be able to tell when you're not being yourself. Or maybe that's what I really want in a friend. It's never this way with you. You only show concern when I'm visibly upset i.e. being grumpy or showing a blank face. Maybe it's my fault because I usually stuff my emotions into a figurative box and chuck it into dark corner in my mind.

Back in present time.
This time, I'm gonna try my damned hardest to SHUT. YOU. OUT. in all methods that I can think of. Call me a coward if you want for all I care. I know I'm being one. But this is my way of cutting someone out of my life. I'm gonna take my mum's advice and kill the proverbial leech (of God knows how many f*cking years).

You may blame me and say you've always been there when I needed a friend, so why did I "abandon" you? I'm gonna start by saying, you have no idea what you're talking about. The only time when you were there, was when I neither WANT nor NEED a friend. And I'm talking about my "alone time". Everyone has it and I'm sure you have one too.
Also, you tend to "disappear" for some time then "reappear", only to drag me off somewhere I DON'T want to go. When I put my foot down and say NO, you'd beg and basically, heckle me till I agreed. WHAT sort of "friend" is that? Seriously.

So GOODBYE and have a nice life.


p.s. You can keep those VCDs I lent you 5 years ago.

p.p.s. Don't worry about those "secrets" you shared with me. I've already forgotten them. I blame my inability to retain useless information.